LITTLE STEVEN'S UNDERGROUND
        GARAGE FESTIVAL
      (August 14th, 2004) 

CLUELESS CRITCS ATTEMPT TO RE-WRITE ROCK & ROLL HISTORY 
by Rudi Protrudi 

If I wasn't there to witness the event myself, I'd have sworn that this must've been the 
biggest bore ever. At least if I paid any attention to the reviews it got. Obviously you're 
a Rock & Roll fan, or you wouldn't be at this website right now. So you tell me, what in 
the hell could be better than a day-long festival that featured over 40 ROCKIN' bands - 
most of whom are bona-fide LEGENDS?  

And at a ticket price of only 20 FRIGGIN' BUCKS? 

Obviously I was at a completely different show than KELEFA SANNEH of the NY TIMES, 
who actually expressed dissapointment at the "celebratory" mood of the event, despite 
what looked like an oncoming storm. While praising The Strokes' frontman (I use the 
term SO loosely) for being "the only one to have the gall to taunt the storm,"she 
dismissed most of the LEGENDS for "ignoring" the essential ingredients of Rock & Roll: 
"Attitude (Her article was actually entitled "More Acts Than Attitude"), angst, anxiety, 
frustration, bravado, "referring to bands such as The Pretty Things, Electric Prunes, 
and the Chocolate Watchband as "interchangeable revival acts, content to bash out a few 
fuzzy chords and march off stage, displaying neither attitude nor anxiety." As it turns 
out, that's all most of the bands had TIME to do. Originally, the plan was for the rev-
olving stage to be split in two sections - one half would be facing the audience, and 
would feature the band that was performing, while the next band would be setting up on 
the hidden half, which, when the previous band's set was over, would immediately revolve 
toward the crowd, and the next band would launch into their set. The angst, anxiety, and 
frustration that Ms. Sanneh so sorely missed was evident to everyone involved in the show, 
when the revolving stage mechanism stopped working after the first few bands. Suddenly 
every act was told they would have to severely shorten their already short sets- most 
would be limited to two songs, to make up for the time that would have been saved using 
the revolving stage (and to make sure The Strokes got to do a full set). Admittedly, 
The Fuzztones were given credit for a "competent but boring set;" she must have missed 
the part where, out of angst, anxiety, and frustration, I kicked the guitar stand about 
20 feet in the air. Then again, that was during our second song (we had to limit our 
set to two songs) - she was probably asleep by then. 

Bo Diddley was given credos for including a rap in his repertoire, and Iggy was noted as 
"charging through faster and cleaner versions of songs from the Stooges' classic first 
two albums, stripping the songs of everything except savage joy." FASTER and CLEANER? 
Now I KNOW she wasn't at the same show I was at! 

"Thank goodness for the Strokes," she resumes, "who have figured out ways to smuggle 
ambivalent poses and feelings into seemingly simple songs." 

Well, she was right about the posing part.... Casablanca's between-song monologues, 
in which he baited the audience, and mocked the organizers, came off more to this 
old revivalist as major insecurity than a consciously genius effort to " help puncture 
the day's single-mindedly celabratory attitude," as Sanneh suggests. "When nearly four 
dozen bands get together in a park," she concludes, "who says it has to be a celebration?
Who says it can't be a fight instead?" 

Why? Because alot of Rock & Roll fans, such as myself, waited their whole LIVES to see 
a bill like this! 
MORON!!!! 

Now let me tell you what it was REALLY like. Absolute chaos. A million people behind 
the scenes, bands trying to get ready for their strict alotted slots, thinly clad 
go-go dancers shuffling between Rock Royalty, press and media hangers on, and 
who-knows-who-else, all enjoying every second of it. Little Steven had provided every 
single band with their own mobile trailer (ours was next to The Creation and the 
Electric Prunes), and food and drink were prevalant. Their was a genuine comraderie 
that, unlike Ms. Sanneh, I found to be REFRESHING and invigorating. 

This was the closest thing to the T.A.M.I Show that I'd ever seen and as if it wasn't 
cool enough to actually be watching several of my all-time favorite bands performing on 
the same bill, I had the privelege to actually be performing in this historical event 
myself! What the aforementioned writer (and several others) somehow failed to see was 
that true Rock & Roll is timeless. The oldest guys on the bill (Stooges, NY Dolls, 
Electric Prunes, Bo Diddley and The Pretty Things) easily out-rocked most of their 
younger competition. It seems that, to many critics, a band of shoe-gazers with 
pretenscious smart-ass attitudes is far more entertaining and important than the several 
surviving legendary performers who not only were responsible for changing the face of 
music as we know it today, but continue to give their hearts and souls to it, something 
these spoiled upstarts know nothing about. 


Not all the reviews of the show were clueless - for a detailed blow-by-blow account 
from someone who actually has the CREDENTIALS to write about an event of this magnitude, 
please check out VIDEO CRYPT's website and click on news dated 9/05/04: 

http://www.videocrypt.com/

Chris Columbus, director of major motion pictures "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets", 
"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone," "Bicentennial Man," "Stepmom," "Home Alone," 
"Mrs. Doubtfire," and "Nine Months" (how appropos is THAT?) was on hand with crew to 
film the entire event, which will be made into a major docu-movie that is projected to show in 
theatres (in 3D, no less!) THIS FEBRUARY!

Tell us what You saw at the festival.. or any other event where you have seen The Fuzztones.
email :  LivingSickness@fuzztones.net 

We'll post your review here